It’s very difficult to be good at so many things. Especially when you are good at things that you don’t even like to do. And if you are also not at all adverse to change and relatively flexible when change comes along, this can be a fine recipe for disaster.
Case in point, the news that I got at the end of the day… But let me backtrack so you know where I am coming from.
For more years than I would like to acknowledge, I worked in hotel sales and management. I was successful enough because I believe in doing the right thing by my customers and taking time to build relationships with people. But as far as my role as a salesperson, I would probably be about average and I often felt as though luck played a larger part in my accomplishments than my actual skill. However, I will admit to working hard, logging long hours, and mentally taking my work home with me to try to conceive every possible advantage. When I finally realized that I was stagnating and decided to pursue my Master’s degree, I stepped out of the 60 hour work week routine of the hotel and into the slightly more manageable 40 hour work week of property management – yet again in a sales capacity.
Please realize that I am an introvert to the nth degree. I am not at all excited to pick up a ringing phone; in fact, phones have always caused me undue stress, even when I know it is a friend calling. I’m good with words, but better with them when they are written instead of spoken. I like to internalize questions or problems, think about them from different angles, and then come up with a solution; I am not very good at off-the-cuff discourse. Ah, discourse. That’s a problem all of its own. I am pretty terse. I don’t do small talk. And have I mentioned that I’m a germophobe? I definitely do not want to be shaking anyone else’s hand. Ever.
Doesn’t really sound like a winning amalgamation for a salesperson, does it? Not at all, but I used to be a theater geek, so I usually just pretend that I’m on stage. And you know what? I get compliments all the time on how cheerful I sound on the phone, even when I want to hang up on the caller because I’ve just said the exact same thing for the 26th time today. And somehow I usually fudge through the small talk and the question-and-answer period by having a mental script (yes, the repetition of the stage really does come in handy to make the presentation sound unrehearsed). But although I have a fair closing ratio and I’m now in my 13th year of selling, doing sales still feels unnatural, it feels forced, and it in no way makes me feel happy.
So imagine my absolute delight when I was asked to step into a new position a year ago when a co-worker went on maternity leave, this time focusing on numbers and statistics and calculations. Yes! Something structured, something that makes order out of chaos, something completely controllable! While many would see this as a lateral move at best and a step down at worst, I viewed it as a step up because I could finally feel content in my job. I wasn’t on edge all the time. I didn’t physically fear going to work. And when the manager asked me to stay in the position because she thought I did the calculations better, I was flattered.
But now imagine my absolute despair when I was asked to return to the sales position in a short two weeks because the manager thinks I do it better than the person who is doing it now. Truthfully, the entire first half of the day went dark; anything positive that I had accomplished was wiped out. My stomach immediately felt like it was full of knots. I declined going out for drinks with some coworkers because I didn’t feel like pretending to be cheerful. And for the last hour, I’ve been cruising the internet contemplating new jobs in New York
The news of my return to a job that I loathe is all very new and I’m not yet sure how I’m going to turn this sinking sensation around. I keep thinking about Temple Grandin
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